Conflict

Conflict comes in many forms, from the subtle conflicts that we see in nature between competing plants, or animals, to the more overt conflicts of an arguing couple, and when nations or tribes become inolved in conflicts they can reach terrifying proportions.

Must we accept as humans that conflict is a natural part of our struggle on this planet? Or can we possibly work towards a future where conflict is minimised, even eradicated?

Certainly, in my opinion, we can find ways to minimise conflict, these ways are many, some stem from religious practices of all inclusive deity that urges tollerance and peace and love, some stem from more scientific approaches of conflict management, given formulae for talking and working with each other, specific rules of engagement if you like, that can help us to address our needs to others in ways that do not involve blame and augmentation of the tensions between us.

I do not actually believe that in this world we can avoid conflict altogether, it would be nice to think this is possible, but in fact we are not perfect, our humanity gives us flaws that we cannot avoid. But I do strongly believe that 90% of the conflict that we do experience in the world today can be either avoided entirely or it can be neutralised before it becomes threatening or dangerous.

So what causes conflict? Our competition for natural resources, space, food and other material things will inevitably lead us at some point to disagree, or to try and impose our needs above the needs of others, or to find ourselves in situations where another's needs are imposed on us. Our emotional stability will also give rise at some times, to conflict issues. Our differences in beliefs, customs, ideals and so on, can also give rise to conflict.

But the NO1 reason for unresolved and exacerbated conflict is blame.

Blame causes strife, blame causes guilt, blame causes us, and others, to react in ways that are outside of the ideals we would hold for ourselves as good citizens or good people of this world. When we blame another person, or country, or organisation, or faith for anything, we are instigating and enflaming conflict. So how can we avoid blame? Are we to say that we must suffer in silence for atrocities or harm inflicted upon us, or upon our families and friends? Well, if this were the case then of course the world would be a terrible place, so no, we are not to suffer in silence.

Understanding.

Firstly we must calmly and critically look at the situation. And we must set this out in our own minds, or even in writing if easier, quietly, and logically. We must think of a point by point list, of what we feel has been done that is wrong. What is it that has caused this issue to occur? What has happened that we object to? What steps can be taken to avoid this in future, and what steps can be taken to amend the situation?

Secondly we must then look, as if from outside our own situation, and see how we ourselves have been instrumental in this same situation. Have we presented some weakness, or some anger or some pain to others, that may have caused this situation to develop into one where we blame another person? What is it that we may have done to contribute to this situation. How have we traveled along our own path to arrive at this situation of conflict?

Compassion and communion.

We must also look at how both parties in this disagreement may move closer to each other, how we may become friends, how future actions may be of benefit to both parties, working together for a common goal. We must exhibit compassion for the other party, understand why they acted in this way, and in order to be compassionate, we must understand them in a way that is almost like a union, a coming together, or communion. Look deeply for the humanity and reasoning in this person you feel wronged by.

Forgiveness.

Now we may say, that we can never forgive some terrible act that is committed against us, but until we do, we can never move onto a more peaceful future, in fact we must not only forgive the other party who has harmed us, but we must also forgive ourselves and our own part that we have played in bringing about this conflict. We must also forgive ourselves for blaming another individual. Through compassion and communion we can arrive at forgiveness, and then the past is no longer in control of us. The past no longer holds us in its tortuous grip of revenge and anger, and crisis will melt away.

Dialogue.

Now that we have prepared our minds, understood the reasons behind this situation, both our own involvements and the involvement of the other party, and we have considered with compassion and communion how we might move to understanding, and we have in our hearts and minds forgiven these former actions, both of ourselves and other parties, we are ready to move onto dialogue and resolution.

I can say, for certain, blaming another will never resolve anything at all. The way we must address the situation is to bring our concerns firmly and with strength and confidence to the party who we feel wronged by, to state our own involvement in this situation as honestly as we can, and to give precise and carefully considered words of how this situation of pain or injustice may be resolved. State clearly and calmly what things you wish for the future, what things you hope will not occur again. Not once may we say 'it was your/his/her/their fault." Not once may we cast blame, because what does blame do? It causes guilt, and strife, and exacerbates the situation of conflict.

We must engage in dialogue at all times with open heart, but also with strength and confidence. We do have as much right to have our own needs and concerns met, as anyone else does, but in accepting this, which we must, we must also realise that the other party has those same rights. There can be no winner and looser in such a dialogue, only two friends who both win. Address your new friend with respect, and your dialogue will be easy to manage. 

Resolution.

Resolution may result in many things but the greatest we hope for, is that it will provide both parties with a positive and peaceful future of understanding, a fresh start where they may both work together. The smallest hope for resolution, is that we have no further conflict and crisis, and at least understood each other and forgiven each other and ourselves. Perhaps there may not be a way for us to work together in future, but we now know through this process, that we have respect and understanding for the other party and for ourselves. That we understand we are all human, and that we all have value and that our goals and dreams and objectives can be sought without harming others.

Strangely, although I have presented this process in a more scientific way, than a faithful way, it is actually all one. As are all things.

Peace Love Light Co-operation.